send me to the nuthouse!

So tomorrow I am starting at Central State. I have mixed excitement and nervousness...
1. Excited to work with different populations
2. Excited to meet new people
3. Nervous that new people will be weird/mean/annoying and I will have to work with them for a year
4. Nervous that this environment is a little more intense than primary care...like good and bad intense
5. Excited to learn new things and potentially help people
6. Not excited about waking up early & driving across town...booooo
7. Nervous about needing to learn defense techniques...I'm a lover not a fighter

So basically I'm a ball of thoughts about what is to come. I'm feeling good and ready to take this on. I find it cute that Eric is a little worried about me working out there :)

Psychopharmacology

That sounds fun doesn't it? The past hour and a half has been a blur...still have 40 more minutes. I have listened to all I can about voltage sensitive ion channels and atypical antipsychotics. It does not help that my teacher's voice is perfect for hypnotism. Trying to distract myself for this long let's my mind wander aimlessly. I think all the thoughts that I didn't have time for throughout the day. I think about the wedding, internship, and moving. This all seems so far off because I have to get past presenting at APA, proposing dissertation, class shiz, etc. I like to think in slow motion. No rush. Just daydreaming. My professor drones about serotonin blockades and corticocortical circuits and I just daze...and nod every once in a while. This is almost a form of meditation...sweet. la ti da. Still bored 5 minutes later...

Ch-ch-changes

Changes are coming and I cant wait.look at that pathetic work shoe...its flopping around when I walk. not too much longer and I will be out of the Cardinal Hall of Fame FOREVER! Woot woot. This is my last week at VA though and that is sad. Really wanna get my supervisors a nice parting gift cause they were totally kick ass. Thats all for now cause I'm supposed to be waiting on people...

Tight Pants

Obviously, this man knows where to find well fitting clothing. This has been a long battle with me, since I have mile long legs and I'm thin...some would say lanky. I have found the stores that sell long pants and these are the ONLY places from which I buy pants. Well, recently I have been putting my pants on for work or jeans when going out and thinking, "Why did I buy such tight pants?" I thought in my barhopping days I must have liked the tighter pants. These were uncomfortably tight...I even bought 2 suits to wear for my internship interviews and got a different cut of pants that were wider leg...but in the same size I always get 2LONG. Well, as I was wondering about this tight pants situation yesterday, I decided to weigh myself. I don't do this often. Mainly, because my weight never changes. I have been within a 5lb range for about the past 8 years. Well come to find out I gained 10 lbs! I have tried to do this before as I didn't want to be "lanky Patti" and have people tell me I look "too thin" or need " meat on my bones"...I get it people, but sorry my body was built this way. As happy as I am to have finally gained a little weight, I am slightly pissed because I have spent years compiling a wardrobe of now too tight pants. Not sure what to do with this dilemma. Today I have left my work pants unclasped and worn a belt :) 

Why I love testing kids

Really I just love kids in general. They say the funniest things (someone should make a show about that?!) Case in point. A boy told me yesterday, "its every man's duty in life to kill and eat at least one frog." Apparently Bear Grylls is inspiring children. I also had a great conversation with my nieces Monday about their favorite songs. Savannah said, "right now, or all time? When I was little I liked the Bananas song (Hollaback Girl) but now I like Tonight Tonight?? She's 8 and already is "not little" :(

Looking over the fence

As I said, I have decided to get myself out of this funk that I'm in. I am hoping that the change in schedule that comes with switching practicum, quitting Raskin's & Hall of Fame, and starting new stuff will help jump start me. I have had an "a-ha" moment as Oprah says. I recently received some documents from people to get ready for internship applying. Graduates of my program sent me some of their CVs and essays they used to apply. I found myself comparing my "stuff" to their "stuff." Why did they have SO much more and cooler research (because they had an awesome Health Emphasis Area Director???). Why did they have way more publications than my ZERO? And how the heck am I going to apply to Veteran's Administration (VA) hospitals with my wimpy CV and crappy research background? I am overexaggeratin my suckiness, but thats what it felt like. I decided that I need to stop comparing myself with other people. Maybe I look awesome when some other people compare their CV to mine. I don't know. I mean people apply from across the country. Anyways, I am trying to gett all my shiz together to get this ball rollin. House is getting appraised Monday, meeting with Dr. Bliss to discuss internship jazz Tuesday, giving Dr. Katsikas my draft of Ch1 for dissertation Wednesday! Wa Wa We Wa

Thankful

I have recently been very into reading blogs. This helps me to procrastinate. I came across a post on Moneysavingmom.com from a woman discussing how lucky she was that she had saved her money because when her child dies tragically, she was able to NOT worry about the money she was spending for a few months. I went to this womans blog. It was very sad. She had blogged before about her family in the day to day, and then in Dec 2010, there was a post about her son's death. Don't read this if you don't want to cry. This made me think back. Her son was injured when a dresser fell on him. My niece Lily had the same thing happen a few years back. She had a hile in her cheek and had to have stiches. It was very scary, but when I read something like this story, it makes me feel so thankful that I have my little girls in my life. I love my nieces so much and could not imagine the pain this lady has. Lily is such a sweet, loving, funny girl. Even when she whines and tattletales. I can't even think about what my life would be like had something more serious happened. SO, this post is to remind myself to be thankful for having children in my life that make me smile and give me kisses. And, in Savannah's case, tell me if my hair looks bad or my outfit is not stylin.